From: blackcoat	Date: June 11th, 2003 05:20 pm (UTC)		(Link)

1) Well, I'm from a military family. I was surrounded by it from my young childhood, so I guess that's what shaped most of it. As for philisophies that shaped it..well, I was a bullied child. After one instance, I swore that I would never let that happen to me again, and that I should seek the strength to not only keep it from happening, but to keep people from doing it to others. I draw alot of my inspiration from some of the comics that I read as a child, mostly Batman, Daredevil and The Punisher. Also, from writings of WWII veterans, as well as alot of the veteans of wars that I've met. They are both broken in very similar ways, and also can be some of the most well adjusted people that I've met in others. None of them seem to take their lives for granted, which is something that I strive for in mine.

2) Originally, it started as wanting to be cool. I'd just seen Akira, and thought they were the coolest things on earth. Also, at the time I was looking into vehicles, I was pretty broke. Bikes are *lots* cheaper to own and maintain then cars. I guess that it's just stayed, in that I'm much more comfortable on a bike then in a car. I have much better SA because I *need* to have it. Kinda the same as you bump into less shit in a semi-dark alley then in a semi-well lit street. You're not paying as much attention when you've got walls around you. Or, at least I don't. My dream bike would problably be Kaneda's bike from Akira (ah, how the dreams of our youth never die..) or, well..my current bike, with a bit of upgrading. I'd like to replace all of the aluminum bits with carbon-fiber, build a laptop into the tank with wireless/GPS etc, redo the muffler, replace the brakes with sports grade ones, etc.; If I couldn't have a bike, I dunno what I'd have instead. At this point, probably something like the Tarball.

3) Actually..it wasn't really unwillingly. I fought pretty damn hard for it, but I know what you mean. No, if anything it's become *harder* with time. Mostly because in the beginning, I wasn't really looking at a long picuture. Now, I'm having to deal with things that I didn't worry about then. Like, drunk driving. College educations. Therapy. Things like that. I find myself falling back on several things that I picked up during my upbringing. Most of them are negative, unfortunatly. Like, getting furious, blowing my top, then walking away and not talking to them for days. I'm also falling into a trap where I'm not as available as I'd like, lots of times because I'm looking around going "This is my early 20's WHat the *hell* am I doing? Why am I not out drinking, fighting and wenching?!?!" (Ok, 21st Century equivalents.) There's alot more, but I'd prefer to discuss it over drinks then on lj. ;-)

4) Umm..my choice? One of those humongo margarita's from chevy's. Or, if we're in a seedy bar, Corona and Jose. I'm a quarter spic, it shows in my drinking. ;-)

5) Umm..that's tough. I'm torn between Green Lantern (any of 'em.) because I'd like to see what I could to with "The Most Powerful Weapon In the Universe.", Corwin (UF, not Zelazny), because I think that it would be interesting to see how I would get treated as a genuinely nice guy, and the SI me that I wrote up that a few of you have seen. Now, I know that SI's shouldn't be allowed, but it's actually a decent response, 'cause I'll give *reasons*. He's alot like me, in that he's had alot of shit happen to him in his life, but *unlike* me, he didn't let it keep him down. He grabbed what he wanted with both hands, and held on. I wish I had his self conviction and his poise, not his neat job and his nifty superpowers.

	From: blackcoat	Date: June 12th, 2003 10:22 pm (UTC)		(Link)

1) Yes, I do. I've noticed that I'm far less of an asshole then I used to be. I don't cut people off at high speeds anymore, etc. Also, for the first time in my life, I'm worrying about someone besides me. That's had a profound impact on how I relate to other people, 'specally for relationships.

2) Hmm..well, there are, IMO, four spots where my life diverged from 'normal'. The first one I had no control over, but it has affected me in very profound ways. But, I didn't get a choice in it, so that point is moot. The second was something that I would definitly not do again if I had the chance. That was when I started using Meth heavily. It about destroyed me as a person, and I'll never do it again. The third was moving to Vegas. That one, I'm not really sure about. I think that was really taking the red pill for me. I pretty much decided that I wanted out of Santa Cruz, and so flipped a coin, heads was Seattle, tails was Vegas. (or was it the other way 'round? I can't remember). So, I packed up what I couldn't live without for a couple months, closed my savings account and rode on down. It was the most maturing thing that ever happened to me. I didn't *have* a safety net to fall back on if I fucked up, so I absolutely *had* to make it. I learned alot about myself, and about who I interact with the world doing it.

3) From a friend who builds metal sculputre for a living. ;-) It's not what you know, it's who you know.

4) ...That's a tough question to answer. Well, the second part is. I still belive in God, that's not a question. Mostly because, well...when I pray I feel something there. However, I don't worship in a controlled environment any longer, and while I can't ever see myself going back to the religion of my youth, none of the others seem any better. So, I guess my religon is that "Yes, God exists. No, he's not the only one, 'cause what you *belive* is what is true for you." I am, however, *very* upset with Him. And when I meet him, it'll be 12 in the clip, one in the pipe, and middle finger upraised.

5) To be honest, I don't think that I could survive in any Era except this one. I'm too much of a geek to see myself living in any other time, or really doing anything other then what I do. I would like to get into Game design, and would actually liked to have worked in it say, 15 years ago, when it was all new shit happening. There doesn't seem to be as much inovation these days. I mean, there's cool shit happening right and left..but it doesn't seem like it's *NEW* shit, know what I mean? I mean, the most anticpated games of the summer...Enter the Matrix, Half Life 2, Halo 2...just nothing that cool..